When you have finally reached the decision to divorce, you probably think like most people, that it is time for both parents to hire expensive attorneys and hunker down for a fight. If you want to spend a lot of money, time, and drag your kids through a couple of years of hell, then go for it. If you want to be smart about it, then listen up...
First, do NOT hire an attorney. If your ex already has, and you were blind-sided by the filing, don't run off and find one for yourself. The number one priority is to work out as much with your ex as you can. I'm going to assume you are a man. And you have been kicked out of your house and your children's lives. Or perhaps you have a sane woman who is granting you liberal (even 50/50) shared custody. Either way, you need to find a 3rd party who can help you and your kids through this.
All kids benefit from counseling during a parental split. Call around and find a counselor who not only works with kids, but is also willing to help you and your ex-wife co-parent. He/she should also be willing to sit down with you together to help work out a parenting plan that will be best for the kids that he/she is already getting to know in counseling. During this process, the counselor is able to see both mom and dad, their temperaments, how they parent, etc. and can help them navigate the best "after marriage" situation for the children. This may mean that the kids live with mom and that dad gets visitation. Or it could mean that the kids live with dad instead. Wouldn't you rather have a counselor help you decide that rather than two attorneys that just want your money and a judge who will barely even know your case?
With difficult exes, you HAVE to find some way of making them work with you rather than jumping right into the court system. What you will OFTEN find in the "justice" system is that the two attorneys representing both sides in a case will drag it out purposefully to get more of your money. They will go "fight it out" for you in a room with the other attorney, where they both will sit and read the paper, make phone calls, etc. while they charge you for the time. You will find yourself in mediation, case management, settlement conferences, and there will be delays and postponements that you don't find out about until after you have left work and headed toward the courthouse. It can drag on endlessly, while nothing in your family gets resolved.
There is very little common sense occurring in family court. You have probably heard numerous stories of judges making stupid decisions. It is everywhere. Save yourself and your family, and don't go there. Your day in court should be with a finalized parenting plan, assets divided, and everything already decided when you are granted your divorce by the judge.
Now, I know that you are here because you have a Stupid Ex-wife. That does not change my advice. As a matter of fact, you have even MORE reason to avoid the court system. Do whatever it takes (within the law and within reason) to convince her it is in her best interest to work amicably with you to resolve any differences and make decisions for your child(ren).
If you would like to learn more about the things I'm saying here, there is a good book called Ten Secrets You Must Know Before Hiring a Lawyer. You also have the internet right at your fingertips to answer any questions you might have regarding, well, ANYTHING pertaining to family law in your area. Do your research and be smart. Don't hand over your life and your money to an attorney who is just looking to feed his family with yours.
For Our Kids,
Smart One
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